This is one of the most interesting questions I have been asking my wife since we found out she was pregnant earlier in the year. Back then, her answer was that she would like to continue working after having the baby. We set out a roadmap for my wife to stablise her team as the manager with sufficient coverage after she leaves for maternity leave.
One of our concerns was pregnancy discrimination but this didn’t prove to be an issue. Largely because my wife has been working at the same bank for a number of years and has built up professional & social relationships to address this. Plus it helps to be the manager so she has some level of control over her workflow and what happens to her.
A benefit of being pregnant when you are older is that you are more likely to be higher up the corporate food chain. If you are too junior in rank when pregnant, you have no control over your workflow and are at the mercy of your manager. Anything can happen to you.
Even though my wife started her maternity leave a month earlier due to the premature birth of the baby, she only just managed to get the coverage into place. It’s not ideal but should work for the next 5 months until she goes back to the office next year in Apr 2020.
Which brings me to the other thing. I asked her the same question and wanted to know whether her answer has changed now that she’s had the baby & started caring for him. Her response was that she can better understand the struggle working mums go through now.
On one hand, you want to achieve something for yourself that is not tied to your husband, child, family, etc. It’s your own thing at work and you get your alone time to interact with colleagues & friends. On the other hand, you want to be there to care for your baby, be present for all the milestones as he grows, etc.
The key to addressing this fundamental issue seems to be how well you balance between these priorities than can often be at conflict with each other. And my wife wants to give it a try to see whether she can do it. So it still looks like the working mum route for now.
The present concern we have to address is maternity discrimination. What happens to my wife’s job now that she is on maternity leave? She decided to take the 4 months of maternity leave and additional 1 month of annual leave i.e. she will be away from the office for 5 months.
In this day and age, that’s a lot of time for many things to happen. We know there might be a restructure with job cuts at the start of the new year 2020. Again, it’s important to keep your ears close to the ground to try and get ahead of such announcements so you can start planning first.
We are taking a risk for my wife to take that extra month off to be with the baby and weighed it against our assessment that she is not one of the targets of the retrenchment. The bigger risk is actually whether the job scope will change drastically as part of the restructure by the time she returns to the office.
Not being there to manage this change process is the main problem. Nothing my wife can do except keep in contact with her colleagues and monitor her work emails. By having a confinement nanny every month until the helper comes in and with her parents helping out a lot, it gives her time to look into this.
The next concern we will have to address is working mum discrimination. This comes down to my wife’s ability to transition back into working life while still having to care for a baby. And the subsequent impact on her career prospects.
As I write this, it has become evidently clear what my role is as all these events unfold. It’s not enough for me just to be present to help out with taking care of the baby and handling household chores. As my wife’s focus starts shifting more to caring for the baby, my responsibility now also includes helping her to strategise the steps she can take in her job to protect her career.
Because while my wife’s scope of responsibilities has expanded exponentially, mine has only been a step up so far, and not a steep one. The logic is simple. When your wife is the one doing breastfeeding for the baby, you as the husband aren’t actually doing much more other than ensuring everything around the house is taken care of. And when you have a confinement nanny/helper, how much more are you actually doing and how would you add value?
That’s what I keep asking myself. And my answer is simple. I can think, strategise and help to put in place the steps necessary to facilitate my wife’s maternity leave and her eventual return to work. This can involve all kinds of things. The most important being to encourage her not to switch off from work totally and keep herself in the loop on critical matters in the office.
Lastly, my focus in my job at the office has also become clearer. I have to be more efficient and effective at doing my job so I can still push for a promotion and pay rise while leaving work on time to be with my wife and baby. It takes practice to achieve this but it helps to have a clear objective.
The logic is simple.
If you the manager, would you keep someone’s role intact so that he/she can come back from half a year’s leave and carry on like nothing’s changed ?
Interesting question. The team that my wife is managing also has a lady who has gone off on maternity leave earlier in the year. My wife has done what she can to ensure that the lady’s role remains intact so she can come back and carry on like nothing’s changed My wife also ensured the lady got a good performance review and remuneration outcome for the year.
A gesture that was very much appreciated when she came to the hospital to visit my wife. So I suppose the answer to your question is that it’s possible but it depends on whether your manager makes the effort to do so?
Hi! Firstly I really want to give you a pat on the back for being such a thoughtful Husband.
One of my worries is if I am still able to be awesome at my job and be an equally fantastic Wife, mom and daughter, and still have time to keep myself fit, sleep enough and kempt. Having a partner that is equally invested in parenthood is thus very important. Your Wife is very lucky!
I just want to say that, whether or not a woman’s career is affected by pregnancy depends very much on the office culture. Your Wife is a very good manager that takes care of the moms in the office. This is not the same if the company does not have policies in place that specifically protects the rights of moms, and even worse if the manager does not feel that this is important. I hope that your wife will be equally well taken care of as how she did got her colleague.
Thanks so much! Yes, pregnancy and raising a kid have a much bigger impact on a woman’s career, which is why it’s good if she can get as much support as possible. My wife does what she can to support the working mums that she manages in her team and it actually takes a lot more effort & time to ensure things work out for them. Let’s hope my wife’s manager does the same for her as you said!
Bigger question will come when Baby number 2 arrives. And having one child is financially comfortable but very lonely for the single child.
Haha, we will try to manage 1 child properly first before thinking about have a 2nd child. But yes, we can see why it can get lonely for him without a sibling.
Working mums are being discriminated when they go back to the workplace. Once a woman has a kid, their bosses will think that this person doesn’t have focus on her work anymore. It happens all the time. Despite all the talk about fairness and all.. I am facing that myself..
Yes, I agree that this continues to be the case. Workplace perspectives take a long time to change and we just have to keep trying. I’m sure my wife will face the same issue if she goes back to work.