Considerations for a second child

The helper is on her off day and my parents-in-law are at our place looking after the baby. My wife is driving out to meet me for coffee and waffles soon. I’m just sitting here at the cafe waiting and enjoying my alone time. It’s nice to do nothing and watch the world go by.

It was a tough morning with the baby being difficult but we managed to bathe him, play with him, feed him and change his diapers. And finally put him down to sleep right when my parents-in-law arrived at our place. So they should have an easier time watching over him while we get our alone and couple time.

We always try to make time for ourselves as individuals, as a couple, as a family and as an extended family. It’s important to balance the time spent in the different roles we play so we don’t get overwhelmed by the various demands and expectations.

Anyway, we had a great time last night celebrating Valentine’s Day at a steakhouse with good fine and wine. It’s been a while since we have dressed up to go on a date at a dining establishment. We really should make an effort to do this more often. Have to keep reminding ourselves.

We chatted and laughed about all sorts of things. But there was 1 topic that came up where the tone got more serious. My wife asked whether I would like to have a second child. She’s not usually so direct, which means she has been giving this more thought than I expected. Especially with us being so busy with our first child.

My reply was yes but I wasn’t able to give any specific reason. I feel like the support structure (assistance from helper and parents) we are building for ourselves now would allow us to expand our family in a sustainable manner (without overwhelming ourselves). It would be nice for our first child to have a sibling just so he can have someone else to play with and relate to.

My wife agrees with the points I made and prefers for us to have a second child sooner rather than later. The first pregnancy was okay at the beginning and in the middle but not good at at the end. As my wife gets older, the pregnancy is not going to get any easier. We don’t want to delay the decision to the point where we get forced into making a choice because we left it too late.

My wife is at a point in her career where it’s likely to plateau for a few years. She has gone as far as she can in her current job, rising from a new joiner, to an experienced team member and to the team lead. Being team lead comes up with a lot of responsibilities that she took a long time to figure out and manage.

An upward move is out of the question because there’s no in-role promotion or achievable job title higher than the team lead role she’s in. A lateral move is risky because she may end up going into an area that might have job cuts in the upcoming restructure. Speaking of which, that restructure is looking to be a major one where there may already be job cuts in her wider team. So this is all assuming she survives the restructure.

If my wife still has a job at the end of this, she’s likely to stay on in her current role for a few years. Because it’s stable with decent working hours at a high enough salary and she can manage her workload as the team lead. As a new working mum, the last thing you want is to be learning new skills and adjusting to a new job environment (work scope and colleagues) after having your first child. Don’t underestimate what job stability has to offer.

In the next few years where my wife’s career is likely to plateau, she has given me the go-ahead to advance mine. We had prioritised her career earlier on and it has paid off financially. Now she has reached a limit where any further hard work & effort may not translate into a promotion, significant salary increase and bonus. While my career still has room for progression.

I wanted my wife’s approval before I pushed because it would mean prioritising my career. She will have to take advantage of flexible work arrangements to take care of the child. And she can’t put as much time in at the office but it’s probably not going to impact her career much at this point anyway. It’s not that I won’t be there for my family.

I will always be here. It’s just that I also have to focus on advancing my career and I can’t cruise in my job like my wife. I only have a small window of opportunity to do this. Just a few years before we possibly have a second child and this whole arrangement goes out of the window. Because both parents have to be as involved for the family to function when there’s 2 children. I can only hope I have closed the career gap with my wife by then.