In the last 2 weeks, my department’s Business Continuity Planning (BCP) was activated because of the virus situation. My team was given the option to work from home if we wanted to. But both my manager and I didn’t take it up. He has a kid that’s 2 years old and mine’s 3.5 months old. His wife is a full-time homemaker with no helper while mine is on maternity leave with a helper.

As part of an advisory team, I have the option to work from home since I can provide my advice from anywhere. But I just find it more effective for me to work in the office. It’s easier for me to meet up with my stakeholders in person and even to call them to discuss issues. My manager feels the same way and that’s why we have continued to go into the office.

Flexible work arrangements are good to have but both of us are focused on working towards our respective promotions and pay raises. While our home situations are stable enough for us to push hard in our careers. Perhaps more so for my manager as the sole breadwinner of his family. That requires us to be in the office doing a good job with our deliverables since we work in a local bank.

Anyway, the local bank has announced its full-year results for 2019 and continues to be profitable. However, the negative impact from the virus situation is going to hit this year’s results since it only started to get bad from Jan 2020. I’m hoping things improve because the longer the status quo remains, the worse it will get for businesses and the economy. Which will eventually affect bank profits.

I always try to work in a company that makes profits and that is a good approach to reduce retrenchment risk. Especially when your salary starts to climb and you have a bigger target on your back. Once the company makes losses, you either find a way to move out on your own or you get forced out. Having a profitable business is the only way a company can continue to pay your higher salary.

Anyway, my wife went out to the city tonight to have drinks and catch up with her friends. I drove her there and back just to see how the helper manages the baby in our absence. And my wife wanted to see how I manage the baby without her but with the helper. We are continually testing the different caring arrangements for the baby to see what works.

We have gone out and left the baby with my parents-in-law (either separately or together) & helper before. My mother-in-law is a lot better at taking care of the baby than my father-in-law. But each of us are strong and weak in different areas of baby management, which can include direct and indirect caring. Such as running errands – something my father-in-law is better at.

Which is useful to know so we can figure out and plan how to prepare for my wife’s eventual return to full-time work. By tapping into all of our strengths to minimise each other’s weaknesses. We also have to get the baby used to the different carers and even the different locations he’s staying at (our apartment and my parents-in-law’s house). It takes a lot of effort to adjust him to the variations while still maintaining a daily routine. But I’m hoping it pays off when my wife goes back to work.

The helper is on her off day and my parents-in-law are at our place looking after the baby. My wife is driving out to meet me for coffee and waffles soon. I’m just sitting here at the cafe waiting and enjoying my alone time. It’s nice to do nothing and watch the world go by.

It was a tough morning with the baby being difficult but we managed to bathe him, play with him, feed him and change his diapers. And finally put him down to sleep right when my parents-in-law arrived at our place. So they should have an easier time watching over him while we get our alone and couple time.

We always try to make time for ourselves as individuals, as a couple, as a family and as an extended family. It’s important to balance the time spent in the different roles we play so we don’t get overwhelmed by the various demands and expectations.

Anyway, we had a great time last night celebrating Valentine’s Day at a steakhouse with good fine and wine. It’s been a while since we have dressed up to go on a date at a dining establishment. We really should make an effort to do this more often. Have to keep reminding ourselves.

We chatted and laughed about all sorts of things. But there was 1 topic that came up where the tone got more serious. My wife asked whether I would like to have a second child. She’s not usually so direct, which means she has been giving this more thought than I expected. Especially with us being so busy with our first child.

My reply was yes but I wasn’t able to give any specific reason. I feel like the support structure (assistance from helper and parents) we are building for ourselves now would allow us to expand our family in a sustainable manner (without overwhelming ourselves). It would be nice for our first child to have a sibling just so he can have someone else to play with and relate to.

My wife agrees with the points I made and prefers for us to have a second child sooner rather than later. The first pregnancy was okay at the beginning and in the middle but not good at at the end. As my wife gets older, the pregnancy is not going to get any easier. We don’t want to delay the decision to the point where we get forced into making a choice because we left it too late.

My wife is at a point in her career where it’s likely to plateau for a few years. She has gone as far as she can in her current job, rising from a new joiner, to an experienced team member and to the team lead. Being team lead comes up with a lot of responsibilities that she took a long time to figure out and manage.

An upward move is out of the question because there’s no in-role promotion or achievable job title higher than the team lead role she’s in. A lateral move is risky because she may end up going into an area that might have job cuts in the upcoming restructure. Speaking of which, that restructure is looking to be a major one where there may already be job cuts in her wider team. So this is all assuming she survives the restructure.

If my wife still has a job at the end of this, she’s likely to stay on in her current role for a few years. Because it’s stable with decent working hours at a high enough salary and she can manage her workload as the team lead. As a new working mum, the last thing you want is to be learning new skills and adjusting to a new job environment (work scope and colleagues) after having your first child. Don’t underestimate what job stability has to offer.

In the next few years where my wife’s career is likely to plateau, she has given me the go-ahead to advance mine. We had prioritised her career earlier on and it has paid off financially. Now she has reached a limit where any further hard work & effort may not translate into a promotion, significant salary increase and bonus. While my career still has room for progression.

I wanted my wife’s approval before I pushed because it would mean prioritising my career. She will have to take advantage of flexible work arrangements to take care of the child. And she can’t put as much time in at the office but it’s probably not going to impact her career much at this point anyway. It’s not that I won’t be there for my family.

I will always be here. It’s just that I also have to focus on advancing my career and I can’t cruise in my job like my wife. I only have a small window of opportunity to do this. Just a few years before we possibly have a second child and this whole arrangement goes out of the window. Because both parents have to be as involved for the family to function when there’s 2 children. I can only hope I have closed the career gap with my wife by then.

My wife went out to have lunch with her mum and they are out shopping together now. It’s been a while since they spent some time by themselves. And both of them need it. Because my mother-in-law dropped some major news on us yesterday during the family dinner. She’s seriously thinking of retiring for real this time.

It was a bad week for my mother-in-law. We could tell something was up when she was holding on to the baby for so long. Even after the baby fell asleep and could have been left in the car seat and stroller by himself. It’s comforting to hold a baby in your arms and watch him sleep. Feels like all your problems just slip away.

We decided to indulge her even though our approach is not to carry the baby for too long in our arms. Just so that he can learn to sleep by himself. When my mother-in-law finally put the baby down on the car seat and stroller, she told us about how exhausting her week has been and how late she has been working. And her 2nd retirement intentions.

If you remember, my mother-in-law retired once before 2.5 years ago. It was after her bank got acquired by another bank and she had to work on the integration. As you can imagine, it was a nightmare integrating 2 banks with totally different cultures, values and beliefs. Staff on both sides was constantly causing problems.

Soon after the integration project was completed, my mother-in-law had enough of the corporate world and retired at the peak of her career. But this 1st retirement was forced out of circumstances and she left her career knowing she could have gotten more out of it.

My mother-in-law went on to engage in her hobbies such as painting art (created beautiful oil painting pieces some of which can be found around her house and our apartment), catching up with her friends and travelling. For 1.5 years. It was an amazing time but she was only 58 years old and still had so much to offer in terms of her work experience.

At 59 years old, my mother-in-law was headhunted into a bank after several rounds of interviews. With a remuneration package that matched her last drawn salary and bonus, which is more than what my wife and I earn combined. Almost unheard of in this day and age. When skill sets and job roles are made redundant at an accelerating pace.

My net take-home pay per hour is S$30 and my wife’s is S$50. Her mum’s is S$90. An achievement in itself. She was brought into this bank to work on a 1 year project, which has just finished. It has been a nice experience for her to get back into the swing of things, deal with the stress & pressure, expand her professional & social network and enjoy working full-time again.

But now my mother-in-law finds herself working on stuff she does not like as much. At the age of 60 years old, she could keep going if she wanted to. So what’s changed? It’s not about the money because she’s comfortable and has more than she needs. She’s satisfied with both the monetary and non-monetary rewards of having a good career.

We know what it is because we saw my mother-in-law getting more and more attached to the baby. He represents the next phase of her life, almost like a complete circle. She wants to help take care of him when my wife eventually goes back to work from maternity leave. We have another nanny and the helper coming in from next month for a while. So she’s planning to learn from the nanny along with the helper on how to take care of the baby.

She’s proof that it’s possible as a working mum to have it all. Just not at the same time. She was patient in going for what she wanted and achieved it one goal at a time. It was tough, difficult and there were many times she felt like giving up but she pushed on.

There are so many benefits of having a career mother-in-law who can support us in multiple areas of our lives. Tapping into her professional & personal network, advising us on our careers, helping us with buying groceries and taking care of the baby. The most important thing is being a role model and passing on her positive attributes to my wife. Let’s hope we make the most out of them.